He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
