you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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