I cannot find my penis.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
