I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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