I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This baby is an asshole
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize