I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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