I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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