so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
