I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
