So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
