I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
