I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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