Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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