can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
