It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
