Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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