Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
where am i from again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
