Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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