So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
