I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Still dying that you shit outside
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
