She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
