i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
