he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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