so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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