Someone shit on the floor
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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