Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
