she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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