Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
