how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
