the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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