were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
