I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
