stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
