At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
