I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
