she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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