I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
