Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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