Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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