I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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