i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
