I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
