there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
