my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
