no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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