You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
porn star boner night. come get it.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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