this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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