remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
