If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
