Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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