i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
