I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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