i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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