Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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