I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
