Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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