i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
