Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The air was thick with penises
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
