she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
