O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
