wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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