If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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