you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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