hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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