It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
