I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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