they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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