so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
