I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
