I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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