the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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