I wish my penis had an off switch
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
