By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
