I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
