You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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