you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
