Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
