My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
