Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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