Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
