For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I just put wine in my tea
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is an emotional support booty call
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
